CONFESSIONS OF A

NEO-NAZI

 

The following is an interview done by myself with one James (asking that his last name be witheld) from the Orlando organization, Hammer Skins - a white supremacy group. Some of you may wonder why I'm giving a portion of this magazine to a Nazi. Well, I just wanted to see what makes him tick... or at least ticked off. This isn't an interview, as much as it is a crank call. Just remember - they started this.

 

FHF: James, it's Axel. I wrote you a letter about a month ago. You told me to call you today for an interview.

NAZI: Yeah, yeah. Let's do this.

 

FHF: How are you, white brother?

NAZI: Sig heil, white brother.

 

FHF: Now James, I'll begin this interview by asking a lot of questions and don't hold back from giving me your full white rage.

NAZI: I'll do that. Where do you want to start?

 

FHF: First off, where did you get these crazy ideas?

NAZI: Funny you should call them "crazy".

 

FHF: It's a figure of speech. I use the term all the time. Liberals understand things better when confronted with something that may be different from their ideology and calling it "crazy".

NAZI: Really?

 

FHF: Uh, your parents? What do they think about your affiliation?

NAZI: Neither of my folks agree with my philosophy, but they hate niggers, jews...

 

FHF: James, refrain from using the word "nigger". This publication is a politically correct rag. Although we believe in the wonderful race that is the white race, we don't need to use words like that. We prefer terms like, "slightly darker clan-bears".

NAZI: What? What the fuck is that? Are...

 

FHF: Come on James. You don't want white America to think you young fellows are a bunch of potty-mouthed babies? Do you? I think we can breeze through this interview if we follow the rules of political correctness.

NAZI: Isn't political correctness a liberal thing?

 

FHF: No. It was started by Radio Werewolf and the Werewolf Order to show that, like Hitler and his master race, we ourselves must be pure of heart, mind, spirit... and language. Heil Hitler!

NAZI: HEIL HITLER!

 

FHF: Now let's go on... about beginning in the movement?

NAZI: Like I was saying, my folks didn't agree with National Socialism, but they didn't like blacks and jews, so it confused me a lot. But, hell, I joined the American Nazi Party back in upstate Jew York (yes - he said Jew York - ed.). I met up with members of the American Front a while ago living there. I moved down here to be with my family and started this chapter of the Hammer Skins. I recuited a couple of young men that were already in action locally, called Strike Force. After a while HS had more than 20 members.

 

FHF:Wow, 20.

NAZI: And that's how I got to be where I got to be.

 

FHF: True words from a true poet. You mentioned your family not being into the movement. Do you come from an extinguished background?

NAZI: Teutonic.

 

FHF: You sure aren't afraid to toot your racial horn, are you? Teutonic... as in Nordic? Your mother must have been futile in her Germanic breeding.

NAZI: Iye.

 

FHF: Pirates?

NAZI: What?

 

FHF: (mumbles) I heard a pirate... (back to regular voice) but nevermind. Even though she doesn't subscribe to our faith, you must love your mother proudly?

NAZI: Iye. I love her dearly.

 

FHF: There's a term for that in our creed, the Oedipus Complex. Complex because it's so hard to turly understand. I think you have that Oedipus Complex.

NAZI: I'm sure I do.

 

FHF: A man like yourself. I'm sure you do. How do you think with all the years of race mixing the white race has gotten to stay so smelly?

NAZI: (starts to laugh) Did you say smelly?

 

FHF: I SAID HEALTHY!

NAZI: Oh, oh. Uh, I don't know.

 

FHF: James... I can't put that in print. People will think I'm interviewing one of them infiltraitors who is working for ZOG. You don't know how we maintain our health. Well, make something up.

NAZI: (long pause) That sounds fishy. I can't make something up.

 

FHF: Screw it becasue we'll have to omit the smelly-healthy part anyway. I might as well take out the entire question.

NAZI: Sure. (long pause) Are you going to send me a copy of this, because it's coming out really bizarre.

 

FHF: At the International House of National Socialism we give all our contributors a finished copy of Atchung! when they're released. Let's continue this interview though.

NAZI: Go ahead.

 

FHF: How did you feel about Ian Stuart of Skrewdriver passing away? Were you happy?

NAZI: Wha? What do you mean happy? Skr...

 

FHF: Hail Odin! You didn't hear? At his funeral... his family is present, and his grandfather and grandaunt - the white people they're supposed to be - pull out the Torah, a Jew holy book, and start to give out invocations and all this Jew stuff. (Many thanks to Stan Obal III who fed me those precious lines - ed.) Though a small part, Ian was part Jewish. He hated himself, like Dan Burros. Do you remember Dan Burros? It's so damn sad. I feel tears ready to spring forth. Bloody hell. I persoanlly burnt all my Skrewdriver records. I forgot my favorite song, "White Couriers".

NAZI: Warriors.

 

FHF: Yes, warriors. At least we still have No Remorse... Sudden Impact... (pause) ...RaHoWa... Pooster Unkelicy.

NAZI: Not familiar with that one.

 

FHF: Pooster Unkelicey... German for "race war today". Scream it loud when you're in battle with those S.H.A.R.P. race mixers. It sounds like gibberish to me, but the language of the Germans... you got to love it.

NAZI: What background are you?

 

FHF: I'm Celtic and like Visigoth or something.

NAZI: French?

 

FHF: No. From Spain.

NAZI: Spain?

 

FHF: Mountains.

NAZI: Mountains?

 

FHF: Mountains. Mountains!

NAZI: Mountains?

 

FHF: MOUNTAINS! Big as fuck... (pause) My grandfather was a fascist, my father fought on the side of the Republic. But, Orestes, he's my grandfather on my father's side. Boy, was he a real Fascist.... Even fought with Hitler many times.

NAZI: Really?

 

FHF: Fought with him all the time. Once Hitler called him a "Jew lover" and grand dad gave him a black eye.

NAZI: First off, I thought you meant in war. And... and. Second, this sounds like you're some bullshit story. The fuck man?

 

FHF: Woah James, life is sometimes like this. So I'm telling you a little fib? We can make wonders you and I.

NAZI: (very radiply) One minute you're talking about our race and the next minute you're acting like a fucking faggot. You one of them queer? You AIDS faggot!

 

FHF: LISTEN, you little fuck! As head of IHONS I don't need some kid trying to pull rank. I'm a white warrior, you're white trash.

NAZI: You start telling me about lies and you expect me to take you seriously when you talk this homo shit. What the hell is going on?

 

FHF: James, I was just testing you. I meant you and I together in a political sense. I just wanted to see if you were ready for when it all comes down. It does sound as though you are afraid of things going inside you. Grease something good. Stick it up there. Revel in the thought of it going easily in and out, up and down, all greasy...

(click)

 

Well, luckily I have call blocking available. I originally got it as I was getting tired of the "Sig Hiel" phone calls at 9 am. This call also stems from some mailed death threats I received several months ago. What comes around... goes around, pussy. Feel free to call James personally by dialing:

1 - 407- XXX - XXXX

 

This interview appeared in issue #4, 1994. The phone number has been omitted because it was soon changed. This retaliation turned public prank was inspirred by the phone pranks of Phil Hendrie.