SPACE CADETS!

I wrote to the MST3K Club address to contact Frank Collins (aka TV's Frank). I enclosed my phone number with a letter to call me collect for an interview. About a month later I get a call from two guys laughing on the other end. It turned out to be the folks behind the voices of Crow T. Robot (Trace Beaulieu) and Tom Servo (Kevin Murphy) who stayed in character during the entire interview. Here is what happened...

FHF: Where is Joel?

TOM SERVO: For his own safety we can't tell you where he is, but before he left he said he was going to work on new TV concepts. He was the sole inventor of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and he wanted to create more. Heh, give a human a yard, they'll take a mile.

FHF: Don't you allmiss him?

TOM SERVO: You see that's the nice thing about being robots. You can wipe out emotional memory. Turn it right off.

CROW T. ROBOT: Joel who?

FHF: How is Mike Nelson working out?

CROW: There's a bit of a difference. Joel was like a father. He was the father. He built the show. Mike is not as parental.

TOM: It's more like we're goofy buds or co-conspirators.

FHF: How do you guys put together a show?

CROW: Very original question, how long did it take you to think that one up, human?

TOM: Excuse him, he's on deity mode. He thinks he's god.

FHF: So how do you make up the show?

TOM: Each episode takes about a week to do. We spend a day watching a film, making comments and yelling at the TV. While people type down what we say - we have to stop every once in a while for them to catch up.

CROW: It figures, don't it.

TOM: They write down all the jokes and it takes about 8 hours of watching the film.

CROW: It's kinda like watching paint dry, then commenting about it.

TOM: We spend a couple of days writing the host segments, the sketches we do during the movie intermissions.

CROW: Then we watch the movie again and put the lines to 'em. Later, it's full dress rehersal.

FHF: Is it ever improvisational?

(long pause)

CROW: No.

FHF: Do you ever get a movie that is so bad. So bad, that there is nothing funny about them?

CROW: Oh god yes! Some have too much violence, racism or sexism. So much in fact, that it becomes unhumorous - sometimes even uncomfortable. I mean, there is a light humor in sexism, even violence, but too much is... well, too much.

TOM: The best example of this is a film called, Rugsuckers from Mars. That's a film we couldn't use. I still can't believe someone wasted money to make this film. Actually, I can't believe it on most films - I digress. One scene in this movie had an extremely unappealing dude making really graphic love to a vacuum cleaner. Eesh!

CROW: One problem is that we often don't have enough good movies to rip on! Our budget is pretty low.

FHF: You're serious?! You guys are a cult hit.

TOM: Yeah, but there's a slew of all-star disaster films that are hanging there like ripe grapes, but we can't afford the rights to trash 'em.

FHF: You seem to be doing something new. How do you feel about showing the way for other TV shows which comment on inaneness and the "cheesy", ripp-offs like Bevis and Butthead.

TOM: To be honest and blow a lot of hot air, we weren't the first. In the 1930s, Pete Smith was doing it for shorts in the theaters. In the 1960s Hans Conried did Fractured Flicks, which was similar to Mystery Science Theater. Also, it seems that Hollywood isn't taking a tip from us anyhow. Instead they're rehashing old forgettable TV shows and making them into new forgettable movies. Recycling isn't always a good idea! To put it simply, Dennis the Mence? The Little Rascals? Why?

FHF: I heard something about an MST movie? What is that all about?

CROW: Uh, it's about making a movie? Duh!

TOM: We did live versions of our show around the country, and crowds really loved it. People seem to enjoy MST3K in large groups.

CROW: Yeah, we appeal to mob mentalities!

TOM: So, in about a year or so, we're going on the big screen.

FHF: Word association time. Hymie from Get Smart.

CROW: The Robert DeNiro of robots.

FHF: C-3PO?

TOM: He's the Einstein of robots. He should replace Michael Kinsley on CNN's Crossfire. He'd kick Pat Buchanan's butt.

FHF: The large robot from Lost In Space?

CROW: The large guy on TV and radio... Rush Limbaugh.

FHF: Wrapping things up - what are you guys made of?

CROW: Various micro components and kevlar...

TOM: Micro-biotic silicon implants!

FHF: Funny. You guys look like a gum-ball machine and a bowling pin.

(laughter)

CROW: Get real.

TOM: Geez, what an inane comment. Seriously, how silly.

CROW: Humans.

TOM: Well, we got to head out.

FHF: That's it? It's been less than 15 minutes. Um, okay, then thanks for the interviews.

TOM: You're welcome.

CROW: We must go, it costs us a bundle calling from space.

TOM: Mail us a copy.

(click - disconnection)

This interview appeared in issue #4 of Feast of Hate and Fear, 1994. Mystery Science Theater 3000 was cancelled by Comedy Central a year after this interview. Several months later MST was picked up by the Sci-fi Network, and cancelled after two seasons.