INSPIRED BY URANUS, TRANSLATED THROUGH MERCURY,
PRESENTATION BY NEPTUNE, SPECIAL ARRANGEMENT WITH SATURN,
DEDICATED TO YOU

PREFACE
Disciple: What am I?
Master: You are an I
Disciple: Why am I an I?
Master: Because you have separated yourself from all
Disciple: How have I separated myself?
Master: With your mind
Disciple: What IS mind?
Master: Mind is that with which you ask what AM I
Disciple: And who CREATED the mind?
Master: You created the mind
Disciple: What am I?
Master: You are that which created the mind to ask what am I
Disciple: Why did I CREATE the mind to ask what am I?
Master: Because you ASKED what am I and in so doing you created the mind
Disciple: But why did I ask in the first place?
Master: Because you didn't KNOW
Disciple: But why did I HAVE to know?
Master: Because you W ANTED to know
Disciple: But why did I want to know?
Master: Because to know is to be
Disciple: But why did 1 want to BE?
Master: Because you didn't NOT want to be
Disciple: To be WHAT?
Master: To be what you ARE
Disciple: And what is THAT?
Master: You are what you KNOW
Disciple: But what do I KNOW?
Master: You know what you ARE
Disciple: But what AM I?
Master: You are that which asks what AM I
Disciple: But why do I ask what am I?
Master: That is how you created the mind, so you could ask with the mind why you ask "What AM I?"
Disciple: Then what AM I?
Master: You are that which created the mind with which to ask what AM I
Disciple: Then what are YOU?
Master: That which DOESN'T ask what am I
Disciple: And what if you ASK?
Master: That which ASKS what am I
Disciple: And what would THAT be?
Master: That would be YOU
Disciple: But what am I?
Master: You are a QUESTION
Disciple: Then what are YOU?
Master: I am an ANSWER
Disciple: And what is an ANSWER?
Master: An ANSWER is for a QUESTION
Disciple: And what is a QUESTION for?
Master: A QUESTION is for an ANSWER
Disciple: And how does a question FIND an answer?
Master: It CREATES an answer in the ASKING
Disciple: And what happens to the ANSWER?
Master: It becomes a new QUESTION
Disciple: This could go on FOREVER
Master: It DOES
Disciple: Is this LIFE?
Master: It IS
Disciple: Why?
Master: Why NOT
Disciple: I don't KNOW!
Master: That's why you ASKED!!!

INTRODUCTION

Loneliness is the sole motivation, the force that keeps man striving after the unattainable, the loneliness of man separated from his soul, man crying out into the void for God, man eternally seeking more of him self through every activity, filling that devouring need on whatever level the spirit is feeding, the arena of conflict, be it flesh, thoughts, aspiring to ideals, man searches for love to satisfy his gaping hunger, an ever INCREASING hunger because the spirit devours flesh, exhausting every last outpost of hope and the conquest must always necessarily search for higher ground. The only pain is separation and the only joy is break-through and the battle only really begins when man has finally, through exhaustion, worn out every tangible means, devoured everything in sight and arrived right back where he started with a empty belly and a world with no food, having cried all of his tears and standing completely naked and alone knowing full well that there is no comfort outside of himself, that he must walk that lonesome valley BY himself with no kind words, no friendly faces, no helping hands, only then does one begin to fully realize the meaning of utter loneliness, it's difficult, it's the most difficult stage a man will ever have to face and it is inevitable that all will someday have to face themselves and make that terrible decision. Few have ever succeeded as yet and those few we call world saviours, our enlightened leaders who threw themselves unresistingly into the black void, learned the meaning of faith, and in time found a light, their own INNER light, and WITH that light they forever tempt us to follow
This representation, like all representations, has no beginning or end. The trick is to begin relating images by striking the keynote, the one note which always HAS and always WILL continue to sound for IT is the NOTE of CREATION. Let me represent the note with a word, the word is story, and this is how I will begin my story: Long, long ago in another time in another dimension on another planet I volunteered for an assignment the nature of which I knew little and in fact little could be known as I didn't possess the particular equipment necessary to translate such knowledge into contemporary understanding. My superiors, of course, were totally aware of the need I was to fill but being engaged otherwise they selected me for the task and instructed me as best I could be instructed. What I was to accomplish was most vividly impressed into my understanding but how I was to go about it was left entirely up to me for you see I couldn't possibly fail and the learning HOW was to be my earthly education. My descent to earth was carefully prepared by my superiors and I was shown a step by step unfoldment as to how I would be molded at each stage until my physical emergence on that planet; until I was, so to speak, born. I was made to understand that I would temporarily lose my natural state of consciousness and even though I really didn't know what that meant and of course it felt a little frightening still I had to agree as they showed me how this was all in keeping with the Plan and in fact to do otherwise would be impossible. I was to be an embodied purpose and that purpose was THE purpose. Maybe I can explain it if I may take the liberty to call the PURPOSE that of raising a vibration. The earth experiment had originally been a test to see at how Iowa vibration spirit can function without crystallizing and now that the masters were satisfied with the results it was necessary to put forth a special effort to redeem the planet as it had grown so accustomed to existing at this lowered vibration that it almost seemed to have developed a will of its own and had been resisting all their persuasions to return to normal. I was to lower my vibration to such an extent that it would be in phase with the common earth vibration and once this had been accomplished (provided I lived) I was to begin making an attempt to slowly return to my natural vibration and in doing so I would be at the same time RAISING the common earth vibration for you see I was to be BURIED in the earth and every increase in frequency I was able to achieve would be broadcast throughout my physical body which, of course, W AS the earth. There was no way I could fail for you see I had no choice, it would be utterly impossible for me to exist comfortably within the earth frequency, it was much like being suffocated. I HAD to return to my own natural environment and I had to take the whole damned planet WITH me and the element of time did not enter into the plan; the masters knew I would waste no opportunity to move things along as speedily as possible because my sufferings would be so intense existing within such thick heavy surroundings and my resultant terrible longing to return home would allow me no peace. I couldn't sit still for a moment, kind of an eternal cosmic asthma. They outlined in some detail how I would accomplish this return home and I think it might be worthwhile to briefly go over it here: First they explained that I would never really LEAVE home but that my consciousness would become so occupied in building the necessary instruments with which I was to eventually use as step down transformers to make possible a direct communication with earth that for awhile I would forget where I really lived and in fact if I DIDN'T forget I wouldn't be able to take earth life very seriously. They informed me that at this very moment a body was being prepared for me to inhabit, a body which I was unconsciously emanating from myself, and soon I would be seemingly imprisoned within this body and as I grew more and more accustomed to wearing it and more and more adept at expressing myself THROUGH it I would gradually begin to identify myself in terms of WHERE that body was and WHAT it was doing, I would become quite absorbed with filling the NEEDS of that body. They said that 1 would be in constant contact with that body from right here on my home planet all the time and that they themselves would be here with me giving assistance and aid whenever it was necessary and that at night, while the body slept, I would know it as my consciousness would not, at that time, be involved with the earth frequency but that during waking hours of the body my consciousness must be centered on earth else I couldn't learn the LESSONS of earth, I must learn to function as an ordinary human being on that plane, I must identify myself WITH that planet in order to understand the lessons OF that planet. They taught me that after I had learned to control the earth body and all its functions of assimilation, elimination and mobility I would go to work on the construction of a finer body WITHIN that physical body. They called this new instrument the EMOTIONAL body and compared its lighter substance to that of the physical body as water is likened to earth, much more fluid and much more difficult to control. They said I would pour this water into the physical vessel at about the age of 13 years and this new influx of energy would saturate it with such new life that for awhile the poor physical vehicle would be almost blind with energy and feeling and would run hither and thither seeking any kind of outlet. They warned it would take such an effort on my part to learn how to control this new inrush of force that all my consciousness from home would be required to balance the chaos and at this point I would really begin to FEEL like an earthling, I would completely identify myself with the havoc I was trying to understand and for a long time my realizations of my home and my purpose would be so dim as to amount to no more than occasional break-throughs, inspirations, and even THESE would cease for awhile. I learned that my efforts to control and understand this sea of emotion would begin the construction of an even HIGHER instrument which would be ATTRACTED to that plane as the need developed emanating from myself on a higher plane and they compared its finer substance to that of the emotional vehicle as air is likened to water and they called this new air instrument the MIND. This mind would record everything that was taking place in the form of pictures and send them back to the home planet where I would consciously, though unbeknownst to my emotional and physical consciousness, examine these pictures, make improvements and suggestions by RETOUCHING the pictures and send them back down through the air vehicle. Soon this mind would become adept at impressing these corrected images into the emotional body and the emotional body would bring about corresponding actions in the PHYSICAL body and I would finally have some kind of real LINK with the earth and I would grow so involved with this new medium of communication between earth and home that I would begin to identify myself WITH this mind and finally I would reach the point where my mind would reign supreme dominion over all activity , I would confuse this mental dominion with POSSESSION and I would think myself to be a mind. I would say, "I am a mind and I create thoughts out of myself and with these thoughts I RULE" and for awhile I would use this proud mind to satisfy all the desires of the community it was SUPPOSED to be DIRECTING, I would use it to deny my very EXISTENCE, my REAL life on the home planet, and become totally absorbed in affirming my existence on the planet earth and all this was necessary to the development of this mind. This mind would truly separate me from my earth vehicles, my physical and emotional bodies, my embryonic personality, and in this way my personality would be sparked into much activity because it would think it was on its OWN, it would believe itself to be the source of its own LIFE arid KNOWING itself to be perishable it would seek to LIVE its tiny short life by entering into MUCH activity experiencing EVERYTHING that it could possibly EXPERIENCE and in this way coming to understand the ways of the earth quite thoroughly. This mind so hungry for expression and recognition would learn to feed from BELOW, would become almost totally independent and would resist any efforts I might make to use it as a medium. My messages would get through to it but not only would they be quite muddied by the time the mind recognized them but also the mind would still only recognize them as its OWN creation and thereby muddy them even FURTHER. They said this would be the most difficult earth experience I would undergo in my development as I would be constantly frustrated by my own best and highest creation thus far and until I managed to get THROUGH to it, make it the instrument it was MEANT to BE, I would get no cooperation FROM it but that when I finally decided the personality had been on its own long enough I could wake the mind up to its insignificance by making it aware of its CREATOR I could accomplish this by drawing my mind up into myself while the body slept and impressing my own home planet vibration into it until eventually the higher parts of the mind would begin to awaken, it would begin to respond to me through habit and finally it would desire my company and would, of its own accord, seek me out finding my high vibration more attuned to its resultant HEIGHTENED vibration and at this point the battle was over and I might even pay my mind an occasional visit during WAKING hours causing it considerable enjoyment which it, in turn, would register in the personality as emotional BLISS and in this way the mind would soon grow weary of playing with its old dominion, finding no more satisfaction there, and would HUNGRILY long for my company. Now at this point I was to playa subtle trick on my mind, I was to pay no attention to its pleas for comfort and illumination but simply lie back and let it suffer. Eventually it would make mighty efforts on its OWN to find me, nothing else would seem important to it anymore, it would forsake all that it had held to be so wonderful just for a MOMENT with me and yet I was to offer no assistance but leave it to raise its vibration by its own EFFORTS. This once proud mind would find its glamorous dominion, the personality , to have been a pretty sad state of affairs and would go about making great sweeping efforts to right all the wrongs it had brought about in its kingdom hoping to win my trust and admiration and in doing so it would be innocently stimulating the construction of a HIGHER mind, a vehicle I would furnish the material for from the very HEART of my own planet. This higher mind would be constructed of the very stuff which is an expression in form of my own planetary being and once it was put in phase with my lower concrete mind this once limited and inefficient human mind would have access to the whole world of thought, would be a part of the UNIVERSAL mind and would now be such a coordinated and functional instrument that eventually I could contact my personality directly THROUGH it and impress upon it perfect replicas of what I wanted done from right there on my own home PLANET and I would finally be in full control of my mind using it as a pure medium of communications as it is INTENDED to be used. At this point I would be able to begin my REAL work on earth and could command my earth body to go about the planet making all the preliminary arrangements and preparations for my descent, finding the necessary helpers, and revealing the PLAN to them. All this information from the masters I assimilated without really UNDERSTANDING and I was ready for my primal descent to earth. On my departure I immediately lost consciousness and as I fell deeper and deeper into sleep, lowering my vibration for contact with earth, I left scraps of this knowledge along the way to serve as sign posts and germinal seeds to help guide me when I began finding my way back and later on, when I slowly retraced my old footsteps, I certainly was glad I had DONE so. And so I was born on the planet earth. My first recollections of earth life are very vague. I knew I was a stranger in a strange land and having almost entirely forgotten my purpose I wanted no P ART of it, I spent my first years crying and sleeping. I remember that earthlings (people) frightened me. They were so crude and heavy; almost VULGAR. My mother was one of the highest evolved souls of earth, she had been around a long time, had learned the ways of earth people quite well and instructed me quite thoroughly. She of course could not realize that I was not of her planet as she had never CONSCIOUSLY EXPERIENCED a vibration higher than that of the earth and all that was in keeping with the plan. She was dedicated to making a loving understanding human BEING out of me and although she was never able to inform me concerning other things she helped me as no one else COULD have to make that first vital step. She taught me love and respect for my fellow man, forgiveness of others weaknesses and humility for my own but most important, she taught me how to WORK. I was made to work from the time I could walk and I kept busy those early years but every now and then earth life became just a little too HEAVY and when mother wasn't able to give me that necessary boost I would go off alone and fall into a dreamlike state and innocently raise my vibration sufficiently to contact my people back at the home planet and although I could never make out the WORDS they spoke (as they weren't really WORDS at all) I somehow managed to receive the message and whatever it was they told me it always did the trick. I suppose they told me to get back to work and quit complaining because I used to feel a little guilty about my innerspace communications and never told anyone I was doing it. I also realized that no one would believe me if I TOLD them and I felt as though I was CHEATING somebody by slipping out of THIS planet and GROOVING with the fellows back home and soon I found that my conscience wouldn't allow me to continue playing innerplanetary hookey and so I broke off all communications and vowed that I would get there on my own steam, with my feet planted firmly on the ground. I wouldn't LEAVE this planet in order to return to my own planet, I would take this planet WITH me. I would construct a BRIDGE between the two and that bridge would be ME, my being would include every level of consciousness from the lowest earth vibration right all the way up to my old stomping grounds. Dimly I was becoming aware of my purpose. You must wonder how I intended to achieve this Herculean task and of course at the time it was just kind of a vague resolution, quite innocently conceived, and the full meaning of my intention was unknown to me throughout my childhood and adolescence. I only knew that I was going to make this world a beautiful place to live in because I couldn't ST AND it the way it W AS; the understanding of how I would DO it came with the experiences I had in TRYING to do it. I was going to bring heaven to earth or earth to HEAVEN, however you want to look at it and let me explain NOW what I only SENSED then. Maybe I can explain it in terms of music: You see at home we communicate with one another in an entirely different manner. Remember now, I am speaking symbolically. What earth children call MUSIC is simply the closest simile, I can draw to what WE call TALKING and in fact natures own NATURAL music such as wind in trees and water trickling over rocks would serve as a much more ACCURATE representation as the highest man made music earth people have yet heard would be less than a GRUNT back home, more like a sick fart. Everyone at home has a NOTE (and I use that word for lack of a better one) and that note sounds CONTINUALLY through each entity, each PERSON, and according to how that person is CONSTRUCTED, what stage of DEVELOPMENT he has reached, is that note MODULATED. People at home are more like musical instruments though in comparison to here no such instrument would be visible as it would seem to be made of such a rare and subtle stuff, constantly changing shape and whisping away, that SMOKE would seem like MUD to the eyes of one who could perceive it but WAIT, I am not speaking of VALUES, I am speaking of SUBSTANCE and obviously having much difficulty. Anyhow, each person there is constantly sounding his note according to how he is constructed and that note is always a perfect representation of who that person IS and no more communication is necessary for the truth is always APPARENT and there is no way it can be CONCEALED. We can't HELP but sound our note at home, it's kind of like an involuntary action, we ARE that note and in fact there is no other way to distinguish one being from another but by comparing notes. Thinking is completely UNKNOWN to my people, they never had the need to EVOLVE a mind and therefore SPEECH is unknown and WORDS are unknown and LYING is IMPOSSIBLE! Everyone is forever sounding his note and all these notes are HARMONIOUS and the result is a beautiful CHORD and if I can use the concept of SOUND then I can say that music is the only sound THERE and the music changes as it is modulated by ACTIVITY and life is a continuous SYMPHONY always reflecting the collective being of the entire PLANET. So to get back to my resolution to bring heaven to earth or earth to HEAVEN, whichever you prefer, I knew that I must find a way to reproduce my note in such a manner as to make it audible to earth ears and BELIEVE me this could be no easy TASK. Explaining physics to a TWO year old would be a simple undertaking in comparison as it would require development of certain faculties completely UNKNOWN to my race, a whole new instrument had to be constructed out of EARTH and still be a PERFECT REPLICA of my REAL SELF and I could see no other way to ACCOMPLISH my purpose. How ELSE could I raise the earth vibration except by bringing my own home vibration DOWN to earth, by sounding the note of my home planet right in the MIDST of HUMANITY. This is why the masters had laid such emphasis on how I could accomplish my return trip without losing touch with the earth, I had to BE at home to BE my note and be on EARTH to SOUND it SIMULTANEOUSLY. Anyhow, this was all to come later; first I had to go through childhood and stumble around in the dark and relearn these high truths only as I had prepared myself, through moral development, to use them WISELY and for the sake of MANKIND. And so my early childhood was filled with intense longing, guilt, and much hard work. I had nothing in common with other boys my age except that I LOOKED like them; the masters had done a praiseworthy job of insuring that I would pass for a human being. I was quite delicate and could never hold my own with all of these robust little boys; in fact I found their activities to be of a very distasteful NATURE to me. I couldn't even stand to get my HANDS dirty, a trait quite foreign to most little boys, and spent much time WASHING them every day. I was almost always alone as the other boys considered my activities sissy-ish and girlish although I have yet to find a girl OR a sissy who loved NATURE as I did. I was deemed positively ECSTATIC by flowers and birds and all such delicacies. Mother Natures subtlest creations were the closest things I could find to representing the COARSEST creations on MY planet and to be LOST among such treasures always made me feel just a little more at HOME here. I carried a great sadness around inside of me and this sadness extended to everything I came in CONT ACT with that seemed to be lonely be it a tree or a skyscraper. I felt sorry for all the little scraps of paper in the streets and I gathered them up wherever I went and carried them home in my pockets. I kept them all in a big drawer feeling that they wouldn't be so LONESOME if they could be TOGETHER like that. Had I not been given such a wise MOTHER I might have spent my entire LIFE thus removed from humanity but she was here to teach me how to love and want to help PEOPLE and she did this by making me love and want to help HER. Yes, I became so devoted to my mother that soon I abandoned my post as Nature Boy and Super Garbage Collector and spent my entire waking hours in trying to find ways to please her. For instance, I could never tell a LIE to my mother because that would DISPLEASE her and for me there was no greater suffering than bringing even the slightest GRIEVANCE to my mother. If I unthinkingly misrepresented myself to her she would feign such sadness and pain that I couldn't sleep for nights. Many was the night I spent in tears because I had neglected telling her a little detail for fear she would PUNISH me and I KNEW how that would HURT her when she found out and I KNEW that I must tell her MYSELF, not because I dreaded the CONSEQUENCES but because if she found out through another SOURCE something I should have told her my-SELF she would know that I didn't care a HOOT about her or else I would have TOLD her myself and she was SERIOUS and she was RIGHT. To love someone is to always be able to tell them the TRUTH and my mother somehow knew this and now I know it too. A lie was a MURDERER because it murdered my MOTHER and my mother was everything I had and LOVED and in this way she taught me to always honestly represent myself REGARDLESS of the difficulties I might incur. Any difficulties I might have to face in the outside world were little raindrops in comparison to the terrible storms I brought about within myself by LYING to my MOTHER. We did EVERYTHING together, she always lovingly instructing me and me ever eager to devour her every word. I never knew any feelings of resentment towards her and had absolutely no CONCEPTION of disobedience. Whatever she told me to do I did, unquestioningly, simply because I RESPECTED her and because of her I carried this same respect which she so deeply etched into my consciousness over into the world of MEN. I loved my mother with all my heart and she taught me everything she knew and THAT was our relationship. If I innocently hurt another person she never PUNISHED me, she simple BECAME that person before my VERY EYES and showed me how that person was SUFFERING because of my selfishness. Sometimes she showed me by CRYING and believe me I couldn't BEAR to see my mother CRY and I understood and repented so wholeheartedly that there wasn't a chance in hell I would ever make THAT mistake again. And so my mother taught me to love people, to respect them and never, under any willfull condition, to hurt anyBODY or anyTHING. I'll never forget the time I forgot to wash the bathtub after I got out of the water and she told me the story about the poor little bathtub that cried all night alone in the bathroom full of cold dirty water because the little boy had taken a bath in him and gotten himself all clean and made the tub all dirty and just went away leaving him that way and didn't even CARE and the poor little tub felt so unloved and cried and cried because nobody loved him and believe me THAT always got to my heart. I knew how it felt when nobody loved you cause when my mother turned her love off I felt as lonely as lonely can feel and to this DAY I've never again left a bathtub less than shining like a star when I was through with my bath. She made everything LIVE for me. She built my character like a master craftsman builds a SHIP, every piece carefully, lovingly shaped and fitted into place. And she taught me how to WORK and I ENJOYED doing my work because it was another way of pleasing her. I would mop and scrub the floors and wash the dishes and make the beds and polish the faucets till they gleamed, I just couldn't do ENOUGH, and in this way I learned to love order and cleanliness. She always carefully inspected my work and congratulated me on what I'd done well and was always quite taken aback when she found something I'd overlooked DOING in my haste to PLEASE her and to this day I deeply enjoy keeping my things ship shape. My bed is always WELL-MADE before I leave my room to face the world. Let me relate one more fond remembrance with my mother and then I'll go on to my NEXT steps in development. For awhile we lived by the seashore and I used to build little boats out of wood on the back porch and I LOVED these little boats because to me they were REAL and I had built them with my own HANDS and they were MY little boats and I wanted to keep them forever and ever and my dear understanding mother took me by the hand, me and my beloved little boat, and led us down to the docks and asked me to put my boat in the water so it could float out to sea because boats were MADE to float in the water and no matter how much I wanted to keep my boat out on the back porch my boat had to be in the WATER because otherwise it would be sad and by then I couldn't STAND to make anybody sad and I would do ANYTHING to avoid making anybody sad no matter HOW sad it might make ME and so I put my boat in the water and it floated out to sea and I WATCHED it float out to sea and I knew I would never see my boat again and I never DID and it made me very sad but somehow I understood and of course she was right and I knew that my boat would be happier out in the ocean bobbing up and down than sitting on a shelf in the back porch and so I was learning one of the hardest lessons of life, I was learning how to let go of something I loved for its own sake, I was learning to love someone for their SELF, I was learning the real meaning of love. Slowly but surely I was learning how to sound my note on earth. And THEN what happened? All of a sudden I was a young man and loving my mother wasn't ENOUGH anymore. I was getting HUNGRY! I fell in love with every girl I saw, I grew a crazy thing between my legs and it made me feel W ARM inside every time it thought of the opposite sex. I asked my mother about this and she taught me about getting married and having babies. She told me about women and how men PREY upon them for sexual SATISFACTION and how hard it is for a woman to LIVE in this world. She told me most men thought that's what women were FOR and strongly cautioned me against such a limited disrespectful attitude. She said it was a disgrace that women had allowed their sacred creative function to sink into such bestial depths and how it was up TO women to bring sex back into the light and discontinue both abusing it THEMSELVES and tempting MEN to abuse it. She said that the other function sex served was to attract the two sexes to come together; women were here first to have children, to be filled with child, and she often misunderstood this longing to be full and attempted to satisfy it through sex. Men were here to sink their roots into the earth & create it after the design of their own mind and they often misunderstood their longing to bury themselves in the earth and attempted to satisfy it through sex and if not carried to EXTREMES these two mutual longings would naturally draw the two sexes together. She explained that the DIFFERENCE in men and women was that WOMEN have their roots deep in the earth from the very beginning whereas MEN kind of sit on the surface and that a man NEEDS a woman to keep himself from drifting aimlessly through life and not AMOUNTING to anything. A man finds a woman and together they make a home and raise children and in this way they BOTH fulfill their purpose. The woman learns to sacrifice by raising children and serving her husband and a man learns to sacrifice by working and supporting his family and in this way the world goes on and men IMPROVE the world by working IN it and people learn to think of other things besides themselves and people learn to live and WORK together and HELP each other and she said after all that's what we're HERE for and the first way we LEARN these lessons is to have a FAMILY and so one day I said mother it's time for me to go out in the world and see what I can do and she said that if that's what I wanted to do it was fine with her and she hoped we would always be good friends but that if we never saw each other again I didn't owe her a THING. She said she loved me in a way that only a mother can love her son but that just because she was my mother didn't mean we had to be FRIENDS, I was a FREE MAN and that meant I was free to pick my FRIENDS and she also warned me not to come running home when the going got tough, that she had done everything she COULD for me and I had to go out and face the world ALONE and if I couldn't make it I wasn't worth a damn and so out into the world I went and I never went back even though several times I WANTED to and to this day my mother and I are as CLOSE as two people can BE although I haven't seen my mother for many years. My mother had always been very STRICT with me and I really didn't know what to DO with my new found freedom. I was 17 years old and could do any damned thing I WANTED to providing my conscience would allow it and I must admit I lived like a WILD man for awhile and got myself into all KINDS of jams but after I had had a good taste of this so-called freedom I got a little TIRED of it and longed to have a home again so I found me a wife, a beautiful young child bride, I settled DOWN like all good husbands do and I started to raise a family of my OWN. At first I was very HAPPY being a father and a husband and I didn't think I'd ever want anything MORE than that out of life but a few years went by and I started getting HUNGRY again. And then one day I discovered I was a musician. I had been going from job to job for several years and nothing in the line of JOBS seemed to satisfy me. It wasn't that I was LAZY, I had been a hard worker all my LIFE. It was just that every job I had only served the purpose of earning MONEY. I always ended up with a full paycheck and an empty heart. My health grew poorer and poorer and I didn't know WHAT to do. Life became almost meaningless and though I loved my wife and children very much somehow I knew that something was dreadfully WRONG. There was something else I had to DO in the world besides earn a living and support my family and I sure wasn't DOING it. And I discovered that I had to play music for people. I had loved to sing all my life as my mother had been a great lover of music and we had sung together ever since I could remember. Now I found I wanted to SING for people. At first I used to sing for my friends without any accompaniment but soon I felt the need for some sort of musical VEHICLE to give my voice something to RIDE on so I bought a stringed instrument and started struggling away on it. We moved around a good deal as we had both come from transient families and I found musicians who could PLAY this instrument and picked up whatever I COULD from them. I took to traveling all around the country seeking out musicians I admired and I found a beautiful man who played my instrument in just the way that I knew I wanted to play it and so I moved my wife and kids out to the mountains where he lived and became his DISCIPLE. He taught me to play and sing in the language of mountains and rivers and trees and FINALLY I was beginning to sound my note. I felt WHOLE for the first time since I'd been a child and I left that beautiful paradise I loved so deeply to go to the city where all the PEOPLE lived and sing the songs and stories I had learned there in my mountain solitude alone with my family and teacher and self. And then I met the two most important people in my early manhood. The first was my brother. He had come from the same planet I had come from and was learning to sound his note through the medium of PAINTING in the same way I was sounding MINE through the medium of MUSIC and we were both sounding the SAME NOTE! The second one was my SISTER. She had come from the same planet my brother and I had come from only she had been on earth a much longer TIME and had become very INVOLVED with the earth frequency. I looked into her eyes and I saw my home and from that time on I became a NEW MAN. F or the first time in my LIFE I CONSCIOUSLY returned to my home planet and it was ECSTASY. Everything that I had ever held to be important fell away from me. I no longer wanted to raise a family, I no longer wanted to sing songs and sound my note, I just wanted to go back home and STAY there but I couldn't do it alone. I begged her to STAY with me but she was a WOMAN and much WISER than I and she knew I had a JOB to do in this world and she left me alone and miserable and terribly terribly HUNGRY. My brother took care of my wife and I laid down to die. I lay crumpled at the bottom of a black empty pit of utter despair with a gnawing hunger that could not be satisfied by anything less than the woman I knew I could NOT HAVE and the world grew very empty for me. NEVER had I imagined such AGONY. And I died. Every part of me died but my PAIN. My NAME was pain and that pain would NOT DIE and I cried like I had never cried in my LIFE. When I was a BOY I cried a lot but now I was a MAN and there was much MORE of me to cry THROUGH and I was a big empty HOLE trying to fill itself with TEARS and the more I cried the WIDER that hole became and the deeper it grew and the deeper it grew the HARDER I cried and I cried until I was nothing more than a BIG EMPTY WIDE OPEN GAPING HOLE! I cried my EYES out and then I cried my HEART out and then I cried my MIND out and then I cried my very deepest INSIDES out and then I grew very still, I heard a voice very faintly far, far away and it seemed to be trying to SA Y something to me and I listened harder and harder until I was nothing more than a great big ear listening for all it was worth and I RECOGNIZED that voice, it was MY voice, it was my NOTE, and it seemed to be saying "SOUND ME" and all of a sudden I was HOME and I remembered who I W AS and why I was SENT here to suffer and I FOUND myself and that self was LOVE and that self was MUSIC and that self was a note that had to be SUNG and I KNEW and I said YES and I got up off the floor and I sang like I had never sung in my LIFE and I'm still SINGING about how beautiful it is to have a HOME and even though I'm still not there yet I know what is WAITING for me when I earn the right to go BACK and even though my life here is still by no means free of pain I know what that pain is FOR and I know what that pain TAUGHT me and most important of all, I understand the PURPOSE of pain, I understand what it IS that men long for and I know how I can help BRING them what they long for and what they must HAVE to be whole. And so I rediscovered my purpose and I began thinking about how I would ACCOMPLISH it and I started to learn how to use my mind. I began using my mind to see how I was put together. For the first time in my life I took an interest in my physical body, I began to take a little better CARE of it. I became very conscious of my diet for now I knew I was nothing more than an instrument and I was concerned with making the BEST instrument out of myself that I could make. I learned how necessary it was to conserve ENERGY because when I was in a position to SING for people I needed all the energy I could GET so I learned to control my emotions and not give way to great releases of emotional energy but to store them UP and use THEM instead of them using ME. Learning to control my THINKING proved a little more difficult. I found that I dissipated a great deal of vital force by allowing my thoughts to dwell on matters of little importance and made mighty efforts to CORRECT this wasteful habit and understand the function this mind was supposed to serve. I learned to step out of my mind and observe its workings quite objectively and in this way I not only learned how to CONTROL it, I learned just how these three vehicles which make up my personality were put TOGETHER. I saw that I had a body of earth which was becoming a fine and delicate instrument. This was the one everybody called Mel Lyman and this was the one which would eventually have to recreate the note which was truly me by making physical SOUND out of it. Within this physical body and yet INTERPENETRATING a it was a FINER body which made that physical body truly ALIVE, made it a LIVING FEELING vehicle. First it had made the body love WOMEN in a very carnal way and later on when it was operating on a little higher frequency it had made it sensitive enough to respond TO and PLAY music. It made the physical body truly alive and learning its function in the scheme of things was a difficult and most trying experience. It was indeed a boiling sea of life and had come very near to shaking my poor old PHYSICAL body to SHREDS in its mad quest for release. It took me several years to tune it to its highest possible pitch and until then the main function it had served was to familiarize me with all the pitfalls this emotional body can fall INTO. By periodically giving it free reign I came to understand many of the worlds so-called VICES. This body found considerable release by subjecting its vehicle, the PHYSICAL body, to such emotionally gratifying experiences as sex and drugs and all variety of physical indulgence. When PURIFIED however this feeling mechanism was capable of sensitizing the physical body to such an EXTRAORDINARY DEGREE that it was equipped to perform acts of supreme DELICACY and this was, of course, the purpose for which it had originally been INTENDED though I could now easily understand why so few had yet DISCOVERED this truth. All during this period of emotional discipline when I had been both learning the PURPOSE of feeling and attempting to CONTROL these feelings at the same time I was learning the primal function of the mind. The first mountain the mind had to conquer was to understand and govern the emotional body. By this I don't mean that mind should LIMIT ones feelings but should only determine whether or not those feelings are constructive to ones welfare. Indiscriminate feeling reactions are a great bog in ones development and the mind is the INSTRUMENT of discrimination and therefore RESPONSIBLE for this area of development. By learning to control my feelings I was unconsciously developing the lower aspects of my mind and once the mind had been trained to automatically keep a check on such goings on I was able to begin developing its HIGHER aspects. My mind became quite adept at baby sitting with its physical and emotional charges and kept me posted as to everything they were doing and also carried my instructions DOWN to them in the form of thoughts. I then commenced thinking about HIGHER things and by elevating this mind to its HIGHEST I was able to gather up much earth knowledge...

CONCLUSION

By now you must have realized that what I'm trying to say here with words cannot be said with logic, there is no rational procedure with which to use to arrive at conclusions about infinity or reality or eternity except utter nonsense or poetry or pure contradiction.
When you're writing about two thinngs both going in the same an in opposite directions at the same time the only way to explain it is by contradicting every way you explain it. If my message still gets through then we have established a new language, my purpose is to fulfill, not explain, not extend, not PROVE unless explaining or extending or proving FULFILLS. When Christ came and seemingly disregarded the Law of Moses and started writing some NEW laws everybody screamed "What are you DOING" and he said I came here to FULFILL, to establish a NEW language, to CREATE a new language, whatever, it doesn't matter, as long as it COMMUNICATES, as long as it brings more FREEDOM, as long as it brings more LIFE, as long as it is more FULFILLING. I have written much here that ridicules and contradicts and DISREGARDS all the worlds wisdom, all that we held to be true, to me there is nothing that is true but to continue SEARCHING for truth, if you receive something from all these words, if you say YES, he's RIGHT or the bastard is out of his mind I'd like to KILL him, whatever, I am still COMMUNICATING, we are still TOUCHING each other, and if you take what I write here as a new creed and say this is the TRUTH fine and dandy, the truth is what you can USE, what makes you more BEAUTIFUL and any language that fulfills this is valid to me, they're all EQUALLY valid to whatever extent they help, there is no end of ways to say things and there is only one thing to say and as many ways to say it as there are ways to say it. The truth makes you FREE. To be free is to get it out of your system and any way you get it out is a way of communicating, it's not WHAT you say or how you SA Y it but that you SAID it. Today we have a need for a new language because we have more to say than eveer before and the old laws are too confining. We need a language which explains MORE of life than ever before because we are EXPERIENCING more life than ever before because we ARE more than we ever were before. We'll have to take bits and pieces of all that has ever been considered language and stir them up awhile and see what we come up with, see if we can find some new arrangements that are more fulfilling.
I hope that in writing this I may have planted a few seeds for a new way to communicate and revealed the dire necessity for higher communication. All the old rules just don't work anymore, I KNOW, I tried them all and they were too LIMITING, they were made for a lesser man than me. I'm sure the old wise men are turning over in their graves but it doesn't matter, they'll find there's even MORE room for them when they put us to the test. If I have to write up a whole new set of commandments and creeds and laws and constitutions to make people free-er I'll sit right down and lay it out in whatever way best serves that purpose and I will say THIS is where it's at and THIS is the Law and don't you DARE not believe these words or you'll go straight to Hell and I'll be making it up as fast as I'm writing it and if it haps it IS the Law and if it doesn't then I hope you have guts enough to call me a damn fool and make up your OWN rules because that's where ALL rules come from and none of them are true if they are not true for YOU and there will NEVER be an ultimate way to say it and you will ALWAYS have to find the truth for yourself eventually ANYHOW because you will ALWAYS exhaust every other way it has been said if you stick to it long enough, There is only ONE truth, that you must LOVE more and whatever that means to you is the TRUTH for you and there is nothing else to say.

Disciple: Master I feel sad, I know so much yet still I feel so sad inside
Master: Why do you feel sad my child?
Disciple: There is something I LONG for
Master: And what is that?
Disciple: I don't know
Master: What does it REMIND you on
Disciple: Someone I once loved
Master: Do you want HER?
Disciple: I never HAD her, I only LOVED her
Master: And what do you mean you LOVED her?
Disciple: She made me feel WHOLE
Master: And you long to feel whole AGAIN?
Disciple: Yes, that is what I long for
Master: And how did you feel when she made you feel whole?
Disciple: I cried when I saw the sun come up and I cried when I heard the birds sing
Master: And why did you CRY?
Disciple: Because I was so HAPPY to see the sun come up & hear the birds sing
Master: And does the sun STILL come up & do the birds STILL sing?
Disciple: The sun still comes up and the birds still sing
Master: And does that make you HAPPY?
Disciple: It no longer makes me happy
Master: Do you still SEE and do you still HEAR?
Disciple: I still see and I still hear
Master: Then you still see the sun come up & you still hear the birds sing?
Disciple: I still see the sun come up and I still hear the birds sing
Master: Then why does it no longer make you HAPPY?
Disciple: Because I see and I hear but I do not FEEL
Master: But you told me you FEEL SAD!
Disciple: Yes, I feel only sad
Master: Then because you feel SAD you do not feel HAPPY
Disciple: Yes, I am filled with only sadness & there is no happiness IN me
Master: If there was only HAPPINESS and no SADNESS in you how would you feel?
Disciple: I would feel WHOLE again
Master: Then to feel WHOLE is to be filled with HAPPINESS and to feel UNWHOLE is to be filled with SADNESS
Disciple: Yes
Master: Then you want to be whole so you can be filled with HAPPINESS because when you are filled with SADNESS you are not whole
Disciple: Yes
Master: So you are always filled with either happiness or sadness
Disciple: Yes, and sometimes BOTH
Master: So you are always FULL but you are not always WHOLE and so you are forever seeking to be WHOLE
Disciple: Yes, I am always FULL but I am not always WHOLE
Master: And how do you feel when you are not whole?
Disciple: I feel EMPTY
Master: But we just established that you are always FULL! How can you be EMPTY if you are always FULL ?
Disciple: I am full of EMPTINESS!
Master: You have missed the POINT I made for you
Disciple: You are very reasonable Master but I still feel sad
Master: I'm beginning to feel a little sad myself

the end
the beginning

Autobiography of a World Saviour was written by Mel Lyman. Copyrights help by Jonas Press, 1966.