The following article will possibly be seen by the prude and the lonely as sexist. Why? Because it is about an organ that males have and males use, more often than not without the female being present (believe it or not). Trust me, if I had a vagina, I would write an article about it too, but I don't so tough. This article is about the PENIS! Every man loves his penis. We play with it. We fondle it. We expose it in public. We are proud of it...well, at least most of us are. We love it so much that it's a wonder only 10% of the male population is admitted homosexual tendencies. Seriously, we really love OUR thing, but do we know anything about it?
Primarily, because the taboo that still surrounds conversation about this member, the facts are hard too come by. There are, though, many interesting things that science, folklore and cultures can tell us about the male sexual organ.
Man has the largest penis of all the primates. Size ranges from about 1" to an astonishing 22" held by one porn star appropriately titled, Long Dong Silver. A survey by Kinsey Institute answers some of the questions every man asks himself, "Am I up to par?" The average penis size when measured flaccid and along the top side (for both blacks and whites, so as to nullify any racial stereotypes) is 4 to 5 inches, and 6 to 7 inches when erect.
The penis reaches it full potential in size when you reach about 17, so you can stop looking down and wondering if it's getting any bigger. When erect, it measures the same as it does when stretched at rest. Body size has nothing to do with it, that's why you always see bodybuilders with little Mr. Billbos. It's basically, hereditary.
Those that may want to cheat their gene pool can consider the method of the Karamojo people of northern Uganda, who elongate their penises by tying a weight. This actually works, but there is a catch. It works by pulling out the base of the penis, and if you happen to have a short base you can pull it out and the penis will not be able to stand erect. Sure, it will get hard but not stand on end...and sex can actually be somewhat uncomfortable and less enjoyable under these circumstances. If that didn't scare the crap out of you, then how about chapter 2 of the "Kama Sutra", in which you will be advised to 'rub the member before copulation with tepid water and then anoint it with honey and ginger.' This may sting a bit and will of course be sticky...which is usually better than what most of you get anyway. The Arabs have another way which includes a hot pitch, bruised leeches and a boiled asses' penis...but I refuse to print it due to the fact that some desperate little john might try it at home.
Actually, many people throughout the world believe they should improve on nature's sense of humor. Australian aboriginals have been known to slit the penis through the urethra so that it can be flattened out to resemble the forked penis of the kangaroo, while Polynesians slit the foreskin length wise. Why? I don't know. I stopped reading from the psychological damage I was doing to my inner child. The Peguan people of Burma used to insert little gold and silver bells under the skin of the penis. The Dayak people of Borneo insert a metal rod into a hole made at the base of the penis. The rod has affixed to the end, across the top of the penis. Of as in any country where economics has been taught, Dayaks use golden rods, poor ones use pebbles.
Never to be outdone, those wacky transsexuals just go about doing away with it altogether. Go figure. This operation, of which I had the gruesome pleasure to watch via the video "Shocking Asia", is now so successful that artificial vaginas have been assumed to be the real thing by some gynecologists. Whether they had their glasses on at the time or not was not recorded however.
The unaltered, yet adorned penis plays a hefty part in ritual, worldwide. The men of the Walibri tribe of central Australia, for example, when visiting other tribes shake penises rather than hands. In some parts of New Guinea and Borneo, men wear no clothes at all except for a long colorful sheath over their penis, the purpose being to draw attention to their members rather that our repressed American ways of hiding our beautiful swords! Want to be knighted?
Penis sheaths, whose other purpose is also to protect the genital from damage...and possibly sunburn. Toothpaste tubes, discarded film containers, sardine cans and even the leg of a plastic doll have all been spotted fulfilling this role. I sympathize with them in their worry of proper protection. An erect penis is a delicate item. (Tell that to my girlfriend!!) Honestly, if hit, an erect penis can actually fracture. I wrote in small detail about this in an article for issue #2, but here goes the whole story:
A penile fracture is defined as a discernible tear in the outer casing of the body of the erectile tissue, known as "corpus cavernosum". Get all that? Good. Men who have actually had the god awful luck to experience this wonder of nature recall hearing a distinct cracking sound followed by an instant collapse of the erection and then intense pain.
Of 25 patients who where diagnosed with suffering fractures to the penis, 16 put the cause of the injury to overenthusiastic masturbation. You go boy! The next three to intense love making. The following three claim it happened in their sleep. And the final three claim they had fallen out of bed... fishy, if you ask me!
Although that final claim sounds like b.s., most men do wake up to their general at full attention, as erections go hand-in-hand, so to speak, with R.E.M. dream sleep about every 90 minutes and just prior to awakening. Which, of course, is preferable to the uncomfortable ailment known as PRIAPISM, in which the penis is on a full 24 hour erection which might last for days, even weeks. The only cure is to go to a doctor, in which that gentleman will make two small incisions on each side of the penis to let the blood flow out.
This can actually serve as a metaphor for male virility. Which is to say; Use it or lose it! Men who maintain an active sex life and not long periods of abstinence are more likely to avoid impotence and priapism in old age.
On the other hand, men actually live longer without genitals intact. A study of castrates in a state showed that with out certain hormones the; the system, we are less frustrated and lack sexual tendencies... and are known to live up to 13 years longer.
Well, put a nail in my coffin sooner because I'm staying in contact with the boys downstairs!

From Issue 3 and again in Issue 6.