1 - Tell us how your project(s) were started.
Impaled was started by our guitarist, Sean, and our drummer, Raul, after their many failed attempts at fame through flying in a hot-air balloon around the world. As it turns out, the balloon has to be inflated, you can't just be in the balloon inside of a jet. In lieu of that, they decided to play death metal, thereby relinquishing all chances at acquiring fame. I was found, years after they started, begging for scraps of food and hard drugs outside of their practice place in West Oakland. I managed to move myself and my purloined shopping cart full of old radio parts and shower caps into their space, and they, resigned to the fact I wasn't going to be leaving any time soon, went ahead and asked me to play bass. Ludicra, another band I play in, was started by the drummer, Aesop, in an attempt to relay his time honored fables to a whole new generation. Again, I joined up simply by moving into their practice place with my cart. It's like I always say, "Where the shopping cart stays, Ross Sewage plays." I have some other projects in the work, but this really doesn't seem like the proper forum to discuss world domination through yogurt.
2 - What does music, in it's entirety, mean to you?
Music is a distraction from the mundanity of everyday living. Primitive man did not need a soundtrack, because he spent his waking hours either feeding, fleeing, or fucking. That does not provide a lot of leisure time for which one can use to make the "Phat Jamz." As man cordoned himself into organized groups, whereby specialty in a task became key to getting jobs done faster, leisure time was introduced, and the means by which one was selected by a mate to breed became more obscure. Eventually, intelligence evolved, and the ideas to present harmonious sounds to the opposite gender became a reality for those with higher brain capacities. As a way to pass leisure time, which for a simple-minded primitive human would have been as dull as an episode of "Prairie Home Companion" on NPR, these people became important and were more often chosen for breeding. This then became the impetus for music. So, what I'm saying is, music's for getting laid. That's what it means to me. It could be the sole reason I have a girlfriend.
3 - What does art, in it's entirety, mean to you?
Art are those actions whereby a person adds to a task an undeniably personal flair by which that task is recognized as being for far more than a utilitarian purpose. Therefore, even the most mundane act can be made art, and that which is normally considered art can be nothing more than going through motions to accomplish an end. Here's a metaphor... two strippers are appearing at a club, dancing. One dances as little as she can, and rubs her boobies absentmindedly across the faces of the patrons in an attempt to earn more tips. Though it is dancing, it is not art. Now, another stripper comes out, lights her nipples and breathes fire off of them using Everclear. Not only would that be art, but that is something I'd like to see! See, when Aurora Snow has sex, it's just fucking... when Nikita Denise has sex, it is art. When David Hockney paints, it is labor... when Lucien Freud paints, it is art. When Carlos Santana plays, it is performance... when Monsewer Ross Sewage plays, it is fucking art!!
4 - Who is your favorite author, and why?
Alan Moore is my favorite living writer. He creates a world full of real individuals, and yet imbues it with a mystical quality and a fancy for the oneness of life. You know he believes in what he is writing, and yet he stretches it to the realms of believability. There is wit imbued into his creations, but not at the sacrifice of the drama or delicate nature of the story unfolding. He has a habit of twisting old plot types around and breathing life into tired relics. He makes magic seem magikal, and takes away the cheese. Oh yeah, and he writes about super-heros; big, burly men wrestling each other while wearing tight, brightly colored clothing. Come to think of it, I may have been reading a Tom of Finland book. Nevermind.
5 - As your best friend, describe yourself.
Well, Ross, you see, he's a loyal guy, but easy to anger and kind of moody. He means well, but isn't actually funny and borders on annoying at all times when he isn't being actually annoying. He's loud, out of some kind of deep seated need to be heard above everyone else. He can't focus his drives, and he's therefore only mediocre at the myriad of things he tries to do. He makes mountains out of molehills, and is always freaking out about little things he can't control in the world. He's a skinny, non-athletic sap who tries to play up his toughness, of which he has none. He can't ever just relax and be himself around people, he always has an ulterior motive or he's trying to impress. All in all, he's kind of a jerk, and I don't really like hanging out with him. Still, I have to admit, he's damn handsome.
6 - As your worst enemy, describe yourself.
Well, Ross, you see, he's a loyal guy, but easy to anger and kind of moody. He means well, but isn't actually funny and borders on annoying at all times when he isn't being actually annoying. He's loud, out of some kind of deep seated need to be heard above everyone else. He can't focus his drives, and he's therefore only mediocre at the myriad of things he tries to do. He makes mountains out of molehills, and is always freaking out about little things he can't control in the world. He's a skinny, non-athletic sap who tries to play up his toughness, of which he has none. He can't ever just relax and be himself around people, he always has an ulterior motive or he's trying to impress. All in all, he's kind of a jerk, and I don't really like hanging out with him. Still, I have to admit, he's damn handsome.
7 - If your persona were immortalized as a cartoon character, who would it be?
Spider-Man, had he been bitten by a non-radioactive spider.
8 - Do you think there are conspiracies against the "everyday person"?
Without conspiracies, the life I spend in Aluminum Foil Papered room would be so meaningless. George Bush Sr. has had the government in his hands since 1980, when we had terrorists promise to release American hostages only if Jimmy Carter lost the election. He used Ronald Reagan as a puppet to keep America focused on the fledgling Cold War while he funded private war enterprise against third world nations. He made Olli North a hero though he was a war criminal. He bilked the taxpayers out of billions of dollars that we are now in debt for so he could buy his sons' way to top positions in Government. He put Sadaam Hussein and Manuel Noriega in power only to go against them when it suited his needs to increase voter approval. He is behind the decline in the environmental laws and the increase in chemicals that help delude the American public. He is behind the illegal presidency of his son, George W. Bush, and he helped orchestrate the 9-11 World Trade Center with former CIA student Osama Bin Laden to give his son a war so W. could have better approval ratings and probably win a second term in office despite his policies being ruinous to our economy. But George Bush is probably not alone in this, I'm sure he has a small group of rich white men who gathered their fortunes from illegal booze shipping during prohibition and organizing secret monopolies of industry. They are evil and this country is doomed if we can't get rid of this secret conspiracy against the working class. They have us voting to doom ourselves because we're too inundated with other things, like being poor, to notice how evil they are!!! Where's my Aluminum Space Reading hat, dammit!
9 - What do you do with your spare or free time?
I'm bored with this interview, read that however you want to read that. I mean, really, I'm here as a representative of Impaled, the most hated band in the world, and the best band to have ever existed, and I have to answer about my spare time? Really, do you think one has any spare time in Impaled? I mean, we are all geniuses, but to create the shear masterpieces that are our music, one cannot dally about watching television, playing Grand Theft Auto 3, or keeping up with hockey scores! No, we are constantly focused on Impaled, working and re-working the already brilliant material until it is so good, that is unfit for mass public consumption! We are above your petty, ignorant little heads, you plebians, and we always will be! M.E.N.S.A., to us, is an organization of retards!! The commoners and philistines that you are, you only hear our stunningly intelligent compositions as noise, but I assure you, you are the ones who are stupid, not us. In two-hundred years, maybe, just maybe, civilization will have advanced enough to recognize what Impaled is and has brought to society, and they will erect great statues in our honor and the Constitution of the one free world will be plagiarized from Impaled's mighty words. We are at war with metal, we are at war with music, we are at war with you! Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
10 - Please give us your interpretation of "the meaning of life".
Definitely not the best Monty Python film, but still worth viewing for a some hearty chuckles.
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