Fictitious Tunes and Revenant Records
Ever heard a good story about a "phantom record"?
That's a release (normally on vinyl) that was never actually in production.
The tales I've heard vary in intensity; from people gossiping about a band's
next perceived output, to outright fakes making national news outlets.
When I was in primary ed, my parents couldn't afford daycare, and used summer
school as their way of getting rid of me for at least half a day. When my public
school wasn't holding classes, they'd dish out a bit for Catholic school. According
to the Sister Mary Elephant of my youth, there were 12" records distributed
by Satanists that could evoke the Devil, or have incantations possess you with
demons.
I knew these imp-producing discs didn't exist, and were just a nun's way to
freak kids out, but it sparked in me a few interests that I hold to this day.
Even so, when I bought Current 93's Dogs Blood Rising LP in 1986, I thought
this was surely the closest thing to that, and would use the last 60 seconds
of that record's "From Broken Cross, Locusts" in crank calls for years
after.
Anyhow, most stories of these types of releases are hot gossip. Many spread
hearsay about albums that never were, such as the Beastie Boys' Your Daddy's
Caddie, which people spoke of a year before Paul's Boutique debuted.
The hushed whispers of a Kurt Cobain solo album. The Pink Floyd LP Household
Objects - where rumors have the band playing only on utensils. What came
of the tracks from Trent Reznor and Maynard Keenan's Tapeworm recording?
How many future albums are in Prince's secret stash anyway?
Some "phantom records" turned out to actually exist, like U2's 1997
MOFO III 12" (a Matthew Roberts techno remix), the Scepter Studios'
acetate by a pre-Nico 1966 The Velvet Underground, Beastie Boys' Country
Mike's Greatest Hits joke album, the MC Hammer and 2Pac collaboration LP
Too Tight, and the infamous record 1987, What The Fuck's Going On?
by The Justified Ancients Of Mu Mu (who later became The KLF), which was rumored
to have been sued into nonexistence by the Swedish band ABBA.
There are a few
funny anecdotes of ghost releases, such as the constant searches for a handful
of records from a fictitious band in an article from the Feral House book, Bubblegum
Music Is the Naked Truth. How could you not expect hundreds of music nerds
to not start the hunt when you open the piece with the words: "They're
among the most sought-after bootlegs in all of Rock 'n' Roll."?
Written by the
book's co-editor, David Smay, the story is about The Daisy Bang, a fabricated
act, which - after releasing a slew of psych-pop - recorded a night's meth-fueled
practice, nearly inventing hardcore punk (releasing it as The Black Beauty
Demos). Those imaginary recordings had a few hundred confused collectors
in those pre-search-engine-days, bugging every record store employee they knew
- all because they didn't notice the work was in the book's (very) brief section
of fictional writing. You can still look it up, and find forums where people
ask if The Daisy Bang ever were. The band's other albums people still keep an
eye out for, but don't exist, are Daisy Bang Days, Harmony Cathedral
and Cin Songs Seventeen.
There is a case of an entire collection of phantom records, which at one time
existed only in the universe of one man: Mingering Mike.
In 2003, thrifty crate-digger Dori Hadar was flipping through his flea market
finds, when he came across thirty-eight handmade record covers. Being an encyclopedic
record collector, he knew he stumbled onto something of note. Mingering Mike
was prolific; releasing his first LP, Sit'tin by the Window, in 1968,
moving on to score action films, and even releasing a 1972 live album. So far,
150 pieces of Mingering's work has surfaced, and are now items sought after
by art collectors, as well as record aficionados. Of course, not a single note
of music has ever come up.
Almost every
"record" found in the MM catalog is a hand-painted cardboard circle,
painted black, complete with grooves, and a center label.
The most famous
case of a "phantom record" made it all the way to the Billboard charts.
In June of 1979. a band - simply known as D.A. - held the 106th spot on Billboard's
"Bubbling Under the Hot 100" , for three weeks. Listed as a 7"
single for the track "Ready 'n' Steady", no one has ever seen a copy,
heard the song, or been able to trace down any such band. For three consecutive,
nationally-published music polls, it first appeared as America's 106th favorite
record, then 103rd and following with 102nd place the last week. Two spots before
it could make it into the Top 100, the song listing disappeared.
Music historian Joel Whitburn, whose company Record Research analyzes music
charts, and is believed to have held a physical copy of every record in existence,
wrote in the last edition of his book that "the existence of this record
and artist is in question," though in 1995 he said in an interview he thought
they may have been the all-girl punk group from Chicago.
A band on the national charts, basically, "popular music" that did
not exist.
It had me thinking what D.A.'s music could have been like, as well as the cover
art to this bizarre apparition of music-less musical history.
I thought it'd be a laugh to make up a cover image to go along with this piece,
and after finding myself on Photoshop for about 30 minutes, I had come up with
what I thought a record, under the title "Ready 'n' Steady", by a
band called "DA", would look like in 1979.
I decided to tell
the story to a few creative types, and asked them to offer up interpretations
of what that sleeve may have looked like.
These are their visions:
Robert L. Pepper, artist and musician (Pas Musique)
Larry Wessel, independent film director (Love and Iconoclast)
Andrew Lanza, musician (Chain Gang Grave)
Rodrigo Canteras, tattoo artist (Love Hate Social Club and NY Ink)
Mike Mirabal, musician (sound4sound)
Dan Gorostiaga, musician (Cavity) and zine editor (Somewhere Btwn)
Jonathan Canady, artist and musician (Deathpile and Dead World)
Paul Leroy, artist
Leonardo Casas, artist
A. Souto, 2017
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